Death and still life

sadday_lily_mae_martin

From the day dear horse was put down – almost a week now – I have been doing little drawings and paintings of objects that are connected to the farm and this sad time in our lives.

inkpot_lily_mae_martin

It has taken me almost a week to sit down with my daughter and talk to her about the horse. I feel bad that I didn’t talk to her earlier, but I just couldn’t. It was traumatic to see – but we must take comfort in that it was the humane thing to do.

goldielocks_lily_mae_martin

I think I explained it as best as I could. I think she understands.

Eucalyptusplatypus_lily_mae_martin

Horse passing triggers up all of the loss from this last year. But we are close to some kind of finishing line, close to closure. Or something.

1_lily_mae_martin

Close to beginning again.

“I’ve never had a friend like you” – New Drawing

Ive_never_had_a_friend_like_you_lily_mae_martin

New drawing
“I’ve never had a friend like you” by Lily Mae Martin
75 x 105cm
Ink on paper
2015

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Mistakes

Today was a day that was full of mistakes.
Which I guess is normal, since I have just finished two large drawings the day before last. I think what next and then I start scribbling and sketching and then I am so freaking burned out but I think I can push through it but I know, you know. I know. I know I should stop and rest and ride out the tired and then I can start again.
But I am dramatic and often swing into panic mode. If I can’t paint/ draw/ make a master piece today – then I never will!

So I keep on going and then I stuffed up two drawings. TWO. Just test drawings but still, it’s nice paper and I feel bad. Also one was of my daughter, I ruined it by going a little too crazy shading in her back and that just made it all the more WORSE. It actually looks quite ugly and I’m like HOW CAN YOU DO THAT TO A DRAWING OF YOUR DAUGHTER WHO IS THE MOST BEAUTIFUL THING ON THIS EARTH! YOU ARE SO EVIL.

Mother guilt seeps into the art.

So I went out for lunch and angrily drank tea and then did the groceries and the laundry and I have salvaged the part of the drawing I didn’t ruin and have now expressed myself in words here and tomorrow is a new day.

flowers1_lily_mae_martin