I’ve really been through a stage of some sort this past year. Reflection, depression, sorting, connecting, ending, searching. At times it has been very distressing, and other times it’s just traveling along side my day to day, silent but present. I wouldn’t know what to call it, perhaps that’s something I can do when I’ve moved further away from it but whatever the last 12 months was, I really feel like now I have turned a new page.
P H E W
Perhaps this is what happens when you quit something that has been all consuming. I stopped drinking a year and a half ago and my life is SO different. May not look like that on the outside, I appreciate that – but who I am and how I relate to me and the world is very different. I’ve had to learn, though, that I cannot fill up all that space with just work. Art needs its own time, it also needs time off and just a few weeks ago I finally stopped. Well, I did a small thing here and there but ultimately – I stopped. Right at that point I started up teaching and really had to check myself to make sure I didn’t channel my bitterness about ( my ) Art to the teenagers I am to teach and guide. ( PS young people are the best people ) That was a great opportunity for reflection on myself, my Art and ultimately my disappointment with my own practice.
I’m lucky in that I know some pretty great people. I really feel like I have friends and a community around me that cares. I really feel held and able to let go a little and bounce back when I can. So thank you to everyone for the chats over coffees, teas, lake walks, train commutes, openings, emails and ( bloody ) facebook messenger. Thank you.
Last week I went into my studio for the first time in a month and pulled it completely apart. I’ve sorted, scrubbed, taken apart, given away, thrown out and moved things about. It’s a completely different space. I felt like I was suffocating here in a weird way and now it feels light, ready and hopeful.
I’m drawing again, I’m motivated again and I feel like I am yet to make my best work – which really is the best feeling.