It’s amazing how powerful the story we tell ourselves is.
I’ve always thought myself to be limited in terms of juggling family and art, and in someways I am; the structure of Australian arts is not family friendlly .. That’s a whole other post I could write, I don’t really want to today, I want to focus on the positive 🙂
Over this last month I have pushed myself to get up very early and begin work. 5/ 5:30AM. I go to my studio and am scratching away with the inks or pushing paint around a board until the sun comes up and the birds are awake. I have completed three of my large drawings in under one month and finished four small paintings. I’ve still had some great times with Kidlet and friends. The house is a little messier than usual but hey – that’s summer holidays and life with a kid who is endlessly creating.
I am really proud of a lot of the work I have created. It’s dark, a little wild, silly, technically challenging. I am really proud of myself.
It has been a while since I have written, it’s been a while since I have updated the gallery part of my website.. It’s been a while for a lot of things! Not for lack of inspiration or working making – just that work making takes up so much of my time I’ve let everything else go a bit. It’s impossible to make time for it all and I will always prioritize the actual art making over everything else.
Last year was a bit of a funny one. I think I let too many things matter – this art gig is a lonesome one and I must admit I felt excluded from things ( in this town ) and the slew of rejections ( residencies and prizes and the like ) over the last two years all caught up – just too much for the ole ego. I took it all a bit personally. It’s not so much the glory and the fame I am after ( har har ) I just want to work and be part of working and feel like I am going somewhere. Anyway, upon some reflection I thought this is a pretty bad business model, so I am stepping off that bandwagon and just readjusting to producing work, researching and exploring painting and drawing. Doing new ( not so new ) things. Far out it feels good.
I also let my Major Depression rule my life too much. When there is so much going on ( regular life ) I forgot that how I feel isn’t how I have to feel. How much effort it can take to just function, that avoiding social things to the point that I am literally hiding from people may not be the way I have to be. Anxiety hit a point where I had the shakes and just didn’t really want to be alive. But I really want to be alive, you know, because life is pretty great and I love love love my little family, animals, my garden, my friends, art! So I got on top of that in the last bit of 2018 and I am already feeling some pretty positive effects. There was a lot of guilt around all of this too and guilt can get in the bin, quite honestly.
So here we are, summer holidays and I made two big drawings in two weeks! Just goes to show what I can do when I put emotions aside and do things.
A few years ago I did a drawing of Dürer’s preyer hands. But it was a quick drawing and I feel like I am way better at drawing now than I was then so decided to revisit it. While I was looking at reference material I came across more hands studies of his so decided to do a few. These are the drawings I can do while on the run – cafes, swimming chauffeur duties, at the kitchen table waiting for red beans to cook down.
I started out with seven and have ended up with five that I am happy with.
All drawings are 14x19cm, by Lily Mae Martin
Thank you for reading and looking and sharing and supporting my work. I have a number of drawings I haven’t added here and I will do soon.
That title just about sums up my week so far. A lot of the unexpected keeps on happening and my body clock is all out of whack – daylight savings! Title of this post courtesy of waking up at 5AM in a lot of pain, with the cat jumping on my face and me finding off the drawing above.
I’m working on bigger drawings but needed a little break from them so decided to do a little series like some of Dürer’s hand studies. He is a favourite artist of mine, I thought of two things while researching him recently.
1.) In the past it was perfectly acceptable for an artist to draw, etch, paint, sculpt, woodwork etc while these days I feel the pressure to do ONE or the OTHER.
2.) MASTER artist is definitely a word reserved for male artists.
Yesterday I had a very big day in Melbourne looking at a lot of art. I really want to write about that but my thoughts are still formulating also I am running out of time as today is also a big day and then Friday I will DO NOTHING.