What will happen when the sun dies?

“Mummy, what happens when the sun dies? We will have to eat our food up very quick, before it all dies. And it’ll get freezing cold. I know what will happen when the moon dies and I known what will happen when the star dies. We’ll bury them. Now I’m going to sing you the dinosaur song, it’s very scary, ok?”

My lunch time conversation with a four year old.

A week of drawing, sort of.

emerginghalf_lily_mae_martin

I am trying very hard to get the above image completed. It probably won’t happen this week – but I am confident I will get it most of the way there. I have explored this image in drawings and paint already and am pretty sure she is going to be amazing. Working on a larger scale is fantastic, but I must get a better set up for it – otherwise I can’t see myself committing to them properly.

Thought I could squeeze in a few late night sessions this week, but husband has been called into night shifts and right now I am shaking from a panic attack that I am having about bedtime routine and kids being really, really loud on the street outside of my daughter’s room.

Accumulative stress.

Anyway, this post is taking on a different turn and I think I either have to make a cup of tea and watch the ABC or make a cup of tea and draw.. Or maybe start with ABC and then draw a bit late when I feel less like throwing up onto my shaking hands.

woah

eeeeek_lily_mae_martin

Working on a larger drawing is terrifying with a kitten and a curious child. When I am not working on it I have it covered with foam wrap and then a large piece of flat wood. Because kitty with the dirty paws likes to sit on it an child likes to offer up gifts to me in the form of dirty pebbles and leaky flowers.
It is times like this I wish to the powers that be – funding bodies – that I was gifted something like a fellowship or funding so I could hire a space that I could keep art safe in!
Anyway, I am trying to be resourceful. It is a little stressful. So as soon as I finish this beauty, she’s off to the framers.

zzzzzz

Self care selfie

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Last night I drew a self portrait while I struggled to get my child to sleep. Then blogged while I sat outside her bedroom door, reassuring her and instructing her to go to sleep. I wrote something about my art being on hold for too long and it didn’t come out right, so at lunch time I drew this and some better words formed in my head..

My art has been on hold for too long, as in, the art I that I truly want to make. I have made myself busy with all sorts of things – creative and arty, yes, but my true art, no. Maybe I have done this out of fear, I say yes to everything because no is scary. No means I am not sure what will come next. But no it has to be. Unless it is something that will truly benefit My Art.
I’ve also made myself busy out of this obligation I feel to be social, hospitable, giving – all the things that are kind of expected from stay at home parents, I think.

Unfortunately I have come up against people who have felt that I have had to explain myself or my actions and in the past, I have let this bother me a little too much. Like, I have tried to explain myself or fix whatever conflict it was. But, I can only manage what I can, for whatever reasons and I can’t do everything and be there for everyone. I’m pretty ok with this, if I haven’t let myself or my child down – that is ace. That is what truly matters. I now have people who accept that and when and if they can, they help!!!!

I also know that I am very lucky in that my child enjoys art and accepts my art making practice. She understands it – probably better than any one else. She even gives me feedback and you know what, she’s pretty spot on! I feel so blessed to have this little human in my life. I can’t believe that with my favourite person, I got to make another favourite person.

My little lady is going through night terrors for over a week now. At first, I had no idea what was going on. On a bad night she is up almost every hour, screaming. I feel rotten when I say this, but I thought they were tantrums. She can throw a whooper, this kid. But then it repeated so often I was like how is this physically possible?! I called old mate, Maternal and Child Health Line and they were so helpful I almost cried. Which happens almost every time I ring them, because they always listen and they always help. They always tell me that I am doing a good job. The lady that I spoke to even took the time to find me mother and play groups in our new town because I confessed I was having trouble making friends with other parents. Legend.

Anyway, life just keeps going and throwing all sorts of things at us and I’ve just got to run with it but keep myself in check. I am making my art this year. That is all. That is awesome.

Nights

nights_lily_mae_martin

It has been a very hard week.
So hard I have just truly shut up shop in regards to most things – life things, event things ( White Night! Book launch! Mister Zimi crazy colourful sale! ) because I am exhausted.

Kidlet will not sleep. Night time routine can take us up to four hours. Sometimes she awakes several times a night. Screaming, crocodile tears, other things. I cannot express to you how distressing this is. I have to focus on my breath and remind myself that it is hard for her too.

As I write this, at 10:15PM I am sitting out the door of my kid’s bedroom still trying to get her to go to sleep.

It’s all love.

New drawing

asyetuntitled_lilymaemartin
Ink on paper
57 x 77cm
2015
By Lily Mae Martin

Not yet titled, this drawing is part of my new series. I finished this a couple of weeks ago, but haven’t had the chance to make it into a digital image until now.

If you are interested in purchasing my works, or anything else, contact my art gallery – Scott Livesey Galleries.

Detail:
detail

More soon.
x

Freelancin’

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In a bid to not be one of those Busy people, I stopped work yesterday to go see my pal, Amy T. She is having a screening this weekend (details at the bottom of this post) and though we both have deadlines and such looming, it was pretty ace to stop work, just sit down and have a chat and get ourselves out of our respective office/ studio/ workspaces.

Freelance life means that you are always having to be flexible, and that work seeps into every part of your life. The moment between breakfast and getting kid to kinder, could I be working? The moment between the after lunch chores and just before dinner preparation time, could I be working? Bedtime, could I be working? Weekends, could I be working? Should I get up at 5AM to get some work done? (No, because if I did, the child would get up also and that would make the day harder!)

I think I am starting to get a grip on it all, though. I say no, I negotiate better (with clients, my family and myself.) I am much better at recognising that life stuff needs to happen also, and I can only do what I can do. Work isn’t everything, and nor should it be. I find that I am much more productive now that I get this. I will get so much more done, and done well, when I can balance things successfully.

Of course, there are days when it all goes ass over tit and I have to accept that also!

I am starting to grow and care for plants. I have never been much of a gardener – something I have written about before – but so far, so very good. Most of our plants are thriving. I love them in the house and outside under our little shaded area. They bring so much to a space. The first photo is of a plant that belonged to my father in law – we have inherited a lot of his plants. This one was not doing well at all and now it’s taller than me and growing a flower. I admire it daily – I don’t even know what it is called.

morehappy_lily_mae_martin
These are our outdoor babies, we recently bought a tomato plant and kangaroo paws – kid and I admire the paws in other people’s gardens all the time, so we decided to get our own. We water them all daily with grey water.

Cat face brings us much joy. She’s the nicest cat I have ever had, so friendly and affectionate – and really very funny. For a while there, I was uncertain that this would work – but now she is part of the family.

yukiface_lily_mae_martin

I am also doing yoga and going to a gym. Which is just such a release. I can’t believe it has taken me so long to do all of this stuff. I am super out of shape and don’t fit into any of my favourite clothes. But I can already see the benefits of this physical activity. It’s also my me time. I aim to do it 4 to 5 times a week, depending on what is realistic. My husband just found out about a new job on Saturday morning, which was to begin the following Monday. So, that has thrown everything out, I am kind of used to it. I guess.

So today is a kinder day, I get just under three hours to do some work. I also have to figure out what the heck to do for dinner, probably do a few other things, because there are always other things needing to be done.

New artwork will be shared here super soon – until then, here are the details for Amy T’s event this Sunday, it is a film screening:
amyt

xx