Lost – ( updated )

“I am completely lost.

I can’t draw, I can’t paint, I can’t even string thoughts together – can’t breathe.

This year has been brutal and nothing is easing up, nothing is becoming clear or making any sense.

I keep trying and trying – gently or from a different angle and nothing – nothing – is working.

I can’t make work.

I can’t.”

Is what I just wrote some thirty minutes ago, just when I came back home through the storm. I have been trying to make art happen for weeks now. It’s not happening.

I don’t know how to paint anymore. I can barely draw. I don’t know how to gain that excitement and how to push through any self doubt. It’s all so loud in my head.

This year did start off promising however it has all drastically changed.

My father in law, a very good and well loved man, became ill in May and since then we have been back and forth between Melbourne, the hospital and his home in rural Victoria. We’ve been back and forth between packing, sorting, arranging, working, childrearing, caring, shopping, etc, etc-ing.

We eventually moved out here to look after and support him and his partner, he passed away just three weeks ago.

I think, I hear, that grief is a process. It keeps coming at everyone in different shapes at different times on different days.

It’s not about art, it’s not about my not being able to make it anymore – it’s about learning to step back a bit when life has jumped right in and going through the motions. However horrible they may be.

Fuck it’s gruelling though.

So, I’m going to take my time.

Going Down Swinging

GDS has been going since 1979 and they are, by far, one of my favourite journals.

I like the sense of history I feel when reading them but they are not our of date. I like the humour, the intelligence and how they are unique every time but also coherent. And sometimes I’m simply won over by the front covers. I know, I know – don’t judge a book by it’s cover, etc but hey – I’m an arty sort I should be allowed to, sometimes.. right?

Anyway the GDS folk have just launched a pozible campaign to keep it going, and since I am not money bags and I can’t just give them loads of cash I thought I’d make my pledge, as well as subscribe and pass it on.

I know a lot of people read these journals but don’t know how to get involved and by simply subscribing and having a beautiful issue delivered to your doorstep ( well, realistically your mail box ) you are part of it.

Get onto – into it – pass it on and keep a great thing going.

Here is the pozbile link: CLICK THIS LINKY BIT

Best
LMM
x

Halls Gap

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We went to Halls Gap zoo today – it was pretty awesome. I’m so very tired from the sun and the fresh air, the commentary will be limited but oh the pictures!

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Red Panda!

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Red Panda again!

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This guy just hung about while we munched on sandwiches in the sun. It stayed pretty close but didn’t seem aggressive like I usually assume that they are… But that could be because I was blissing out on food endorphins and sunlight, so I could have had an altered perception of the encounter but it was nice.

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Look at that blue. Peacock blue.. see, the art link.

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Then there was a white one, I’ve never seen that before.

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Apparently we get these guys in the forest and in our paddocks, so you know, boasting.

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This was the highlight – wallaby and her joey eating out of my daughter’s hand. So, so amazing and cute.

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See!

And I swear this is a grin:
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News and updates!

Hello dear readers,

I hope you are well. I have been quiet of late as I have had a lot of family stuff going on and been trying to catch up with my freelance jobs. Of which I am very close to being on top of! Yay!

I just wanted to check in and say that there are a lot of things coming up, still waiting to lock ‘em all in before I blurt it out here but it is reeeeeaaaaallllllly exciting!

In the meantime, I’ve started a new project which I created a new webspace to do it in. I used to have a project called Berlin, Domestic and this is similar to that in that it’s documenting a specific time with drawing and writing. It is called Drawing from City to Country and you can find it over HERE

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There won’t be any cross postings but if there is news in regard to that project, I will be sure to let you know here. As in, when I did Berlin, Domestic I hosted a panel at the Emerging Writers Festival on life writing.

Anyway, I have this one last week to get by and then there will be new drawings and pictures here for your eyes and brain!

Yay!

X

Kidlet Comics

Sitting in front of photoshop for hours, days and weekend on end – I am not getting much drawing or painting done at all. Which is OK, I am making money and making cool things but I do miss my core work.

So while I am uploading and emailing and awaiting feedback and trying to sleep – I write little comics like these in my head.

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xx

Through the fog

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Sometimes, well often, it is hard to remember that how things are now are not always as they are going to be. For all of the speediness in which this life travels, it can sure seem to drag itself along. Day by day. A dead weight.

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Life is brutal. It’ll just keep on going no matter how much you try to control it, try and stay steady for the ride. None of us are steady, we just have those brilliant and short lived moments of reaching what seems to be the top and then when we settle in with our well earned smugness, something will come out of left field and bowl you and well – tough titties.

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I’m trying to be gracious, I am trying to be a good support. But truth be told I don’t think I am a very good person. I’m just a person. Somehow I just came to have these people in my life who think that I am. So – I try to be that.

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See how many pretty pictures I managed to pepper in? Yeah.

Drawing and crying

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What a whirl wind of a weekend. Driving down to Melbourne and seeing people and drinking truck stop coffee and going to the exhibition and then eating and then more driving.

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The exhibition was amazing – it was wonderful to see people and meet new people. The above photo is of my work next to Todd Hunter’s painting. ( I love his work so I feel pretty proud of this! )
I sold the piece that is leaning against the wall, I feel pretty chuffed :)

Then we drove home in the dark and the rain and there were lots of frogs on the road.

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Today SUCKED.
But we got to see the above visitors this morning.
But today really, really sucked. I have cried so much my face is puffy but I did do a huge – HUGE – amount of work today and so I will let myself off of the hook.. Just a little.

Please tomorrow be kind!

Night night
xx