Portraiture class

I’ve enrolled to do a couple of courses over the next couple of months. I feel very much challenged by them, which I think is good, even though sometimes I just want to cry in them.
Lately I have been feeling pretty low about myself and my work. I mean, There is a lot going on for my little family. So much death and loss and challenges that we just have to work out and work through together. There is no handbook for these sorts of things and lately I really have been feeling cheated.. we should have had more time.. this is what happens to people who are a decade or two decades older than us… And time really is all that you can ask for, it is the most precious thing.
So maybe that is one of my issues, time feels so valuable and when I make work that I think isn’t up to standard, I feel especially lousy. I am trying very hard to keep my emotions under control. I just want to cry and scream but that is not a normal nor healthy response to things like a line at the cinema, another opportunity missed, a person being thoughtless, traffic, stupid advertisements, why do people and things have to get old … So I try to channel it into my work and oh boy it is really hard to keep on going and to block everything out – but I just have to. The rejections and so forth keep on coming but I just keep on going.
I also really have to allow myself to make bad work, just embrace it. So what I got the proportions all wrong and the shading looks like sh*t and I angry-still-life-painted the other night and it blew – keep on going and put them aside and make something else and go back to it or maybe not.. Don’t over think right now, just do. And I am so glad to just do for the sake of doing and it is working towards something, I am just not sure quite what it is yet.. I am so glad that when I put pieces forth for things they are things that I truly believe in.

You can’t go over it, you can’t go under it – you just have to go through it 😉


So, I went to a portrait class today, and it was good.

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