Five years

Today marks five years of being sober. How good is that? It’s pretty great.

I recently finished my studies and exams and have been juggling work and lyfe. There was a death of someone very special. I picked up the paint brushes and though I am none too pleased with what is coming out I am still at it and I will get there.

Yesterday – between everything – I did a successful self portrait, I’m in my pyjamas and I am very tired.

I’ll try and update more, promise.

In the meantime back to the things and painting.

Live your life, you only get one.

 

COVID19 Diary entry #2 – more pictures and words in isolation

I thought I’d try and write weekly, just to keep up some kind of practice during this time. A lot of people have said to me that I would get heaps of art made in this time. I’m sorry people, but I’ve got an almost ten year old to home school, among other things.

Look, I am making things, just not the things I should be making. But I believe all creativity speaks to, informs and folds back into itself. I also believe that sometimes there are bigger things to attend to, and this is one of those sometimes with bigger things. The days that I don’t want to, or rather, cannot reach out to a pencil, pen or brush – I don’t. The days that I do and all that comes out is rubbish, I accept. The days when I have the energy and the drive to make pictures, I just bloody well do it. Unless there’s lesson to assist the kid through, lunch to prepare and dinner to work out.
What’s for dinner? 

I don’t mind, most days. I mean, if I love you I feed you. I feel really happy making food that my family and I enjoy together. I do resent it sometimes and yesterday I cracked, I ordered in. Noodles. It cost me almost 50 bucks though and do you know how many food supplies I could have got with that money? How many books I could buy? I won’t do it again but I had just sold an artwork and it is ok to celebrate, sometimes. 50 bucks, for one meal. I know that businesses are suffering, everyone is. I am cautious, for the most part.

Books are the one thing that I tend to indulge in. Daughter and I have a reading ritual and it is pretty much one of the best things in life. Gosh we have read so much already. I slip between non fiction, fiction, crime fiction, short books and longer ones. I don’t want to read the internet, it is depressing and screens do not great things to my mind. Plus it is too tempting to look at rubbish that just makes me spiral. I don’t need to spiral right now.

Anyway I am between watercolouring and sketching in my visual diary. I planned to write a lot more today but I am going to tuck back into my current read – The Yield by Tara June Winch. I’m half way but I already recommend that you should read it too.

Here are some recents, I’ll write soon.

Be safe and be kind. Read a book.

x

COVID19 Diary entry #1 – Art in Isolation

What a time we are in.

I started a new job this year, a job that I absolutely love, and it’s on hold – as is much of the rest of life at the moment. We three are at home and have been for a number of weeks now. We take it day by day – some days are really tricky. There’s emotions and uncertainty and boredom and grief. This time is so hard on kids. We older people ( who are really just bigger, saggier, hairier children ) are trying to act like we have control and try and keep things normal but at night I wake up and just think

I’m not cut out for this, I’m not cut out for this, I am not cut out for this. 

To fill out the hours of our days Kidlet and I have enjoyed many craft projects. We’ve put bears in our windows for kids who walk by. We’ve made an easter display of bunnies, bunny ears, chickens and eggs. We’ve made puppets of ourselves and furntiure to go with them. I am pretty pleased that I have a well stocked craft supply. Though, we have gone through a lot of it in this last week 😀

 

I also started a series of watercolours of Australian animals for my daughter. We talked about their diets and habitats. That was nice to do because there is no pressure and it was something that brought joy to us.

We all need a bit of joy right now.

 

I’m also keeping a sketchbook, but I’m not saying to myself to do a drawing a day or even every week because there’s already enough pressure and we have to look after ourselves so we can get through this, and try and be productive when and if we can.

There’s others but they are wither scanned in badly or drawn badly.

I’ll write more soon as there is more to add, however we are navigating online learning for the kid and it is, well, it is interesting!

I hope you are all keeping well in mind, body and spirit.

xx

birthday party

Hello there neglected blog and website,

What a time it has been. Things have been challenging and it’s easy to get negative about it and give up, but I don’t want to do that.

So instead of getting lost in all that I just wanted to share a little watercolour I did, I’m going to paint a whole lot of things in colour for my lounge room. Gene built beautiful book shelves in there this year and as I went to hang things in there I stopped myself and though no, no we need colour! 

I really want to work in oils, but not yet. I will get there. I just want to work in the home at the moment. Watching nailed it with kiddo or when waiting for things to cook/ wash/ dry/ etc.

It’s important to hold onto the little and beautiful moments in life, of which there are many if you just look.

 

Elucidate exhibition opening

Thank you so much to everyone who came down to celebrate and look at art on Saturday. I didn’t stop talking for the whole time! I’m really thankful to everyone, I know a lot traveled some distance and juggling things like work, family, babies – toddlers!

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Thank you to Scott, Sophie and Amanda for everything!

Thank you Gene for the photos and the apple crumble and – everything!

Eluciate runs until Saturday the 17th of August. I will be in each Saturday as well as some other days during the week if I can manage it.

Scott Livesey Galleries – 909A High Street, Armadale, Melbourne.

Here is an online preview of the work ELUCIDATE 

 

 

 

 

xx

 

Painting on the floor

My studio, my house, my life is a little all over/ on top of the place at the moment. I have to sort through things and straighten things out but have no time. When I do get time I make work – I wasn’t prioritizing it at certain points this year and I can’t have that.

I’m an artist, no one will make that time happen but me.

I’ve been meaning to paint this year and it had not happened. I stopped making excuses last week – stopped worrying about if it would be good or not and went up to my studio and bloody painted and it was liberating.
I did it on the floor as all desk space is currently occupied – some with works on paper in developement but mostly just covered in books and paper and gosh knows what else.
Not ideal, as my bum and back ache and there’s a lot of cat hair up there – but it’ll do. I’ll paint and then when I have the time, I’ll tidy.

Priority. Paint.

I started this one in Tasmania, just as a study of texture and colour. I am quite a fan of this; the vibrancy, the slight abstratcion of colour and of form.

Just little study of mushrooms I came across on a walk to a waterfall.

I did this one in Tasmania, just trying to explore form and colour but have them emerging from a very dark ground.

I did this in my studio here, just really trying to push myselfin terms of application and colour.

This wee one is 4×6 – not finished yet but close to it. It’s one I have done most recently, I think it is pretty special. More to come.

Painting and wanderings

A small study of hands. In oils on canvas paper, trying to let the paint speak rather than rendering the heck out of it. The only way I am going to get better at this is I just have to keep going, keep painting, keep challenging myself.

I am feeling inspired and happy. I think happy because kidlet and I cleaned the house and it is very nice to feel good inside a space when you know winter is on its way. Holidays are usually overwhelming, but I’ve said no to things I know will freak me out and we’ve got lots of exciting things planned. I love all sorts of adventures and wanderings – no matter how big or small. Just with my small family and I.

I am making sure that I leave the house each day and that I take my camera with me. That I breathe in the air, deeply, and that I observe the world. That I make time for things that make me happy, animals. Bird watching. Being frightened by a water rat and in turn, frightening it. There’s so much life, and I need that perspective to balance out my cares and worries. Because a lot of it is just .. well.. not important.

I also make sure that each day I do one little or big thing that serves my art. It doesn’t matter if it is a five minute blind contour line drawing, adding some highlights to a painting, drawing or painting for twelve hours straight or just looking over some of my work and thinking about it.

Kitty sleeping.

Just keep going, keep truckin’.

Paint sketches, pen sketches

Hiiiiiiii there.
I have been excited to post here as it’s been quite the week AND THEN I got a nice big fat rejection. Well, I tried! After a week of a brief but powerful existential crisis, then a break through with my work which felt like it was teetering on the edge of madness, then onto a day of a depression that felt like it was consuming me from inside out and now well I feel deeply exhausted. But human. That’s good, yeah? No. Yes. Maybe. Who can tell.

Anyway I am trying to not get too far ahead of myself and overthink things and think that I understand anything because I don’t. I don’t get it, I don’t think anyone gets it and that’s cool. There’s crumpets and there’s pen and paper and some paint, it’s all good.

I feel motivated to draw and paint and I made some things this week that really felt exciting. I made some shit things too, but that’s par for the course. Though, I am not posting the shit things here 😉

I did some small studies in oil, I have more on the way. I want to keep my painting loose, I always assumed I’d be a photo realist painter – I do not know why. Something to do with the story that we tell ourselves? Anyway I am still deeply, deeply moved by the impressionist paintings. Which I never thought much of until they came to the National Gallery of Victoria when I was working there and the paint just took me to another place. Paintings are not the same in a book or on the screen. But as much as I love paint as a medium I am so so so very bad at being ‘looser’ with it. I always find I over work my paintings, and not in a good way at all. The one time I smashed it I had done many studies – in paint and in drawing so I am going to go back to that.

These are my favourite ones that I made this week, they are all one layer with added highlights on canvas paper.

I also made some blind contour line drawings as well – these are a few of my favs

Some of these ideas I haven been sitting on for a while, I knew I wanted to paint them but haven’t felt like I could paint in a while. Now I am like hey stop thinking thinking thinking and start doing and making and working it all out with your hands. Don’t know where it’ll all go which is absolutely and utterly terrifying but that’s got to be a good thing also, yes? If they don’t work out I can just go back to what I know works, yes? Or burn it all down. Ha.

I am pretty proud of them, hope you like them also and I am onto doing some other studies that I think are lovely too.

So for this week and then next – Keep the faith, take risks, eat crumpets, pat a cat, high five a kidlet and be kind to you.

Road trips, gardening, exhibitions

oak Oak! These things are EVERYWHERE in our garden.

butterfly A beautiful visitor.

lmmlc Two small drawings by me, hanging next to a painting by Luke Sciberras at Scott Livesey Galleries in Armadale, on view until December 21st

picbykidlet By Kidlet
“I tried to draw you mummy, but it didn’t work”
“Am I angry?”
“No, it just didn’t work”
“I love it, can I keep it?”
“Yeah, but it didn’t work out how I wanted it to”
“That doesn’t matter, because it is AMAZING”

npp Nadia Toukhsati’s paint palette.

dt Truck stop views.

ey

ss1 Drawing together – “You never draw anything cool mummy” haha. Bless.

ntogs A house near the old gas station.

hotkitty Kitty sums up how we all feel.

Flowers and child

secondlayer_lily_mae_martin

The dress is the wrong green, this bothers me immensely. But hey, it’s only the second layer in parts and still the first in others. I think this painting will only need a little bit of work to either be finished or well on it’s way to finished.
I haven’t been able to paint much, or draw much – or do much of much. I am trying to balance things out and be a better mum and be a better person. So much has landed on us, I can’t even be bothered explaining myself to anyone.

My painting still feels rather amateurish to me – which frustrates the heck out of me. But I know I have had moments where I can see where it could go, which is why I still persist with it. There will be a break through. There will be.

I asked my daughter what she would like to do this afternoon – as we have some one on one time, and she said that she would like to paint together. I think I am more excited about this than her.