14th of March
In the apartment, we have no internet or television. It certainly gives me a lot more time to think….I have never really read, I don’t like to bake, there’s not much to clean, and I can’t really do much in terms of art as I don’t have the space or equipment….and my guitar was 4 kilos over the luggage limit so it is still back in Australia..In Gene’s mothers house..In it’s nice hard case and fluffy interior…Smelling nice and not being played..(It has a lock and I have the keys)

So I think.
And I write.
I sorted through all my photos the other day. I deleted pictures of old friends and past boyfriends. Some I miss dearly, some I’m not to sure what happened but we do not keep contact and I am tired of reminders of people that just won’t make sense. I then also printed photos of family members and friends that I love and bought a photo album. Gene and I sat down last night and put them all together. It was good, he doesn’t really do that sort of thing, Gene is very not sentimental, but I am..I think he did it for me.

I listen to music a lot more now. Some artists on my itunes list I wonder why I ever had them in the first place.. I think perhaps I have them as everyone else did back at home. I listen to Billie Holiday and artists that I know from Melbourne. (The Stillsons and Fearon&Rough are the two I listen to the most.) It’s made me think about why I never did anything much musically at home, and I guess it was due to a number of things. University, laziness, and people around me that I found intimidating.

I think about what I want with my life. So far it has been good, apart from a few years here and there. I have achieved a lot that I wanted to. I got myself out of bad situations and put myself in a better one. I have had a lot of wonderful pets, good friends, eaten great food and I love my family. I also got married; I finished a University degree and a place that I never thought I would get into. And I only had to apply once to get in there. I have had exhibitions with some of my favourite artists and will continue to have more. I have met some of the most interesting and wonderful people and some of them are my very close friends. I have finally made it overseas and each day continue to see things I never thought I would see.

I appreciate my hometown, my family and my friends. I don’t have anyone to talk with. I have to awkwardly carry my laptop down the 8 flights of stairs (Knowing that I am going to have to climb back up again) to go to an internet café and get as much done as quickly as possible, and that is my only way of contact. My German is very limited so I can’t really make friends. But that’s ok for now. I think there is a lot I have to work on myself. Where I want to go with my art, get over somethings I have been harbouring for a while. It has also made me closer to Gene. There’s a lot of talk about what we want out of our relationship…and I think we are mostly getting what we want.

I like Berlin, but I am not sure if I will stay longer than 3 months. We shall see when my lease is up… I want to see more of the world.

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