I’ve made a big huge mistake of letting things get in and affecting that way I feel about my work and more importantly, making my work. After a slew of rejections and failing to adequately manage my own personal self doubt – I have just stopped. I’ve stopped making, caring, thinking about making – sometimes I sit on my floor for ages and that’s all I can do.

At least I am sitting up..

Anyway, I tend to get a bit lost along the way. I loose direction and let all the other stuff in and take over and then I forget to shut it off for a bit so I can sort myself out. Just get back to being here and being present and drawing because I love it and I do love painting too.

I don’t think I get down because I feel I am owed a patronage or anything, indeed I am incredibly grateful when people are interested in my work/ my way of working. But I think it is more about feeling so disconnected. Sometimes social media is a great thing, but mostly it is tricky and somewhat negative. I feel like I am constantly looking at other artists making work and connections and having exhibitions and I have no connections, I’m slower with producing work and I rarely have exhibitions. In comparison, I mean.

But I guess this is when the objective boss part comes in and goes “oh hush, what is it you teach your kid? Don’t compare yourself. Well, f**king put it into practice!” And then I have to appreciate the context of myself and my life experience and I think I have come a pretty long way and it doesn’t matter if others don’t see it, or rather I think that they don’t see it. And stop wasting you’re freaking time with this self doubt rubbish because when your time is up THAT will be your biggest regret. Wasting time. Not if you made work that didn’t make it into that show or that prize and you didn’t win that thing that you’ll only enjoy for a second because you’ll be shifting the goal posts anyway – you’re really not very good at being happy or proud of yourself. (Lies, if I won a thing I’d be so super happy but you know, not the point. )

So, there’s my self motivational rant, posted on a blog = blog post.

Pick up your pen Lily and make the freaking work.